


Being (Slightly) Dead is Dumb

by Quirkyasfok



Series: Zombies are Dumb [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Cussing, M/M, Stiles is gross, everybody is a supernatural creature, zombie!stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6174593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quirkyasfok/pseuds/Quirkyasfok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Stiles was disturbing and failing, and one time he was disturbing and awesome</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being (Slightly) Dead is Dumb

**Author's Note:**

> I am so in love with the feedback I am getting from this series (and really everything I've written). You people make my day. I hope this one is just as enjoyable. 
> 
> btw I really like writing 5 plus 1 fics...

1

Erica paused in the doorway watching the zombie of their pack rock back and forth on the floor hugging his knees and mumbling about spiders. Scott sat next to him obviously trying to calm him down. 

“What the hell happened to him?” Scott glanced at her.

“He forgot to sew up a cut on his leg, and found spiders trying to make a home in it.” 

“Ew gross… You don’t seem bothered about it.” 

Scott shrugged patting Stiles on the head. 

“It wasn’t my body, and I’m kind of use to Stiles and his weirdness.” 

“Yea, but you’re the one that sticks your dick in him. What if he missed on, and it makes a home in his ass.” Both boys turned towards her wide-eyed. Erica smirked. “I can see it now. Stilinski you should wear a sign above your ass. ‘Cave of Horrors: Enter at your own rick.’” She giggled.

Stiles made a noise like he was dying… or well becoming deader and flailed his arms. 

“Scott what if shes right?! Oh god, I don’t want spiders in my butt!!” 

The zombie flailed more grabbing at his pants and trying to see his own backside seeming to completely forget the rest of the pack around them. Scott stopped him before he got too far. 

“Stiles there aren’t any spiders in your butt.”

“But there could be Scott! I need to check.” He paused. “No, you check. Scott I need you to check my butt for spiders!” Scott sighed, rubbing at his temple. 

“Alright come on.” 

The werewolf stood before helping his clumsier friend up. Sadly, this wasn’t the weirdest thing Stiles had ever asked him to do. 

\---  
2

Scott opened the door to Stiles’s headless corpse standing in the doorway. Its shoulders were slumped and the posture alone just screamed sadness.

“Let me guess, you lost your head again.”

The corpse shifted from foot to foot looking guilty. Scott sighed shutting his door and grabbing the hand of the headless body. 

“Alright, let’s go find the more annoying part of you then.” 

\---  
3

“What the hell is wrong with him?” 

“They starved him.”

Scott stood between the pack and hunger zombie in front of them. Stiles looked menacing. His eyes gone from their usual warm whisky to pale and clouded, teeth on full display, and claws held up ready to tear at anything. He was also making some weird noise that sounded like a mix between a growl and a groan. 

“What do you mean they starved him?” 

Scott glanced back at the pack before looking at Stiles. He’d almost forgotten that they’d never seen Stiles actually hungry before, let alone starved.

“It’s a zombie thing. If they don’t eat brains they starve and go crazy. Don’t let him get near you. He’s a lot stronger when he’s like this, and will gladly try to bite you or eat your brains.”

The zombie growled taking a step forward. Scott held his ground pulling out a jar from his pocket. Inside were a few pieces of brain matter. 

“I had a feeling they’d do something like this.” Scott opened the jar and held it so the zombie could see it. Stiles made a noise of wonder looking at the jar wide-eyed.

“Hey buddy, look what I have. You want it?”

Stiles groaned making grabby hands at it. 

“Alright, you got to behave though. No biting.” Scott tossed the jar. Stiles did some maneuver that looked like he was trying to catch it, but of course the jar fell to the floor, brain matter spilling it. The zombie didn’t seem to care though. He dropped to the floor and started shoving the slimy goo into his mouth. Scott stepped closer and patted his head.

“Good boy.” 

The rest of the pack stared at them completely unsure at what the fuck they were looking at. 

\---  
4

The pack stood ready to fight. Eyes glowing, claws out stretched, and fangs on display. Scott and Derek were even growling. Stiles stood near the back, bat raised and ready to strike. Before them stood hunters all holding their own weapons.

That’s when Stiles saw it. The hunter on the far right was holding what looked to be a flame thrower. A fucking flame thrower!

The zombie let out a scream startling both his pack and the hunters, dropped his bat, and took off running. 

“Fuck this, I’m out!” 

Zombies and fires don’t go well together. The rest of the pack was too startled to do anything but watch him go. 

\---  
5

“Dude it’s not that I don’t want you topping, but what if it comes off and gets stuck?” 

Stiles stared at his naked best friend confused before looking down at his own dick. The stitch marks circling the base almost mocking him. 

“I hadn’t really thought of that before. I guess you’ll be topping then.”

“How did your dick get cut off anyway?” 

“Shhh Scotty, its sexy time not story time. Now come over here and make a man out of me.” 

\---  
+1

Stiles glared at the man holding his head.

“What are you going to do now kid? You and your little wolves are going down.”

Stiles spat in his face. 

“Fuck you, you piece of shit!” The man wiped at his face adjusting Stiles head just right. The zombie bit down hard onto the man’s hand causing him to yell out. The man was so caught up trying to pull Stiles’s head off his hand that he never noticed the headless corpse carrying a bat sneaking up on him before it was too late. One hard swing and the man was falling to the forest floor unconscious. Stiles smirked down at the man as he placed his head back on.

“That’s for shooting me in the chest fuckface…and for threatening my friends!”

**Author's Note:**

> You can send me sciles prompts here - http://scilesdrabbles.tumblr.com/  
> and nsfw sciles prompts here - http://kinkysciles.tumblr.com/


End file.
